Relapse
by AZTbreak
Summary: Lost chapter to 'We See Beauty Differently'


**No one understands how to help me! My sister called me fat now I'm relapsing and calorie restricting hard core! :) :) :) :) I told my bf I'm fine and he believed me but now I'm constantly on the verge of tears and dont know how or if I want to ask for help! :) :) :)**

 **So enjoy my break down**

Angel carried his shoes across the room, socks made it much quieter. He had layered up his clothes to help him sweat more. He was determined to lose the weight.

He had been doing well for a few weeks, not looking at the scale, eating on his own, they haven't had to use his feeding tube he was doing good. They are supposed to take out his tube tomorrow. But this morning he had seen the scale, his weight was up, by a lot. He couldn't handle it. He wanted to throw himself out the window into traffic, or set himself on fire. He can't handle seeing a number like that.

So he was going to try to lose as much as possible before Collins would notice. It was at least worth a shot. He knew he was supposed to be getting better, but not this fast he's not ready to see the scale move like that.

So while Collins slept on the couch he was going to sneak out and drum, four miles away... He planned on jogging there and back. He had already skipped his can of supplement, maybe he could find a way to skip lunch and maybe dinner. It was worth a shot.

As he tip toed across the living room Collins stirred and stretched.

"Hey baby," he yawned and realized what Angel was wearing. "Going somewhere?"

"Uuuh, a-year just wanted to go out drumming, I want to buy some fabric so I can start making my wedding dress," he lied.

"I can give you money,"he offered getting up, he wanted Angel to burn as little calories as possible.

"But, I've been doing so well, I never get to drum anymore," the latino sighed.

Collins nodded he felt for his love it was hard to deny him his favorite thing, "You're right, here I'll go with you."

Angel felt crushed, his plans were destroyed he felt like he was going to cry. He knew better than to argue that would only make Collins suspicious. If he got to drum at least he would be burning some sort of calories.

"Alright hun, that sounds nice."

"Good," Collins smiled.

Angel sat at the table and put on his shoes while his love walked into the kitchen.

"You should probably eat something before we go," he called and reached into a cabinet. "Here have one of these."

He placed a granola bar on the table next to him. The Latinos heart stopped as he stared at it.

 _Nature Valley bar_

 _190 calories_

 _11g of sugar_

 _29g of carbs_

 _7g of fat_

 _I, I can't that's too many,_ He thought to himself.

He tries to estimate how long of a drumming session it would take to burn all of that. He couldn't figure it out, more than an hour. There was no way Collins would let him drum that long.

"Baby, you need to eat it," Collins voice ripped him from his thoughts. "Eat it and we'll go."

"Oh, oh, ok," he continued to stare at it.

Collins patiently waited in silence for him to eat it in his own time like the therapist said. After ten minutes Angel finally had the courage to pick it up with a shakey hand.

"Wh-what if, I'm not hungry?" He asked.

"You already missed one of your shakes today you have to eat something or we can't go," he said sternly no negotiating.

Angel peeled oven one small corner and began to cry he set the bar back down.

"Ang, baby, are you feeling ok?" He hadn't had a break down in a while Angel was strong an making good strides, what happened?

"I'm fine, I'm fine, everything's fine, it's just like," he laughed frustrated and tried to choke back the tears, "I'm fine, it's fine."

"Ang, you're scaring me, you were doing so good, I just need you to eat this, please." Collins asked very calm.

He was afraid, he needed angel to eat this, if he couldn't he was going to have to use the tube and give Angel a supplement shake.

Angel's thoughts were screaming trying to make plans, or an excuse, a way to get rid of it but he had nothing. He was trapped. Trapped in his mind, his body, his appartment, he hated it. He wanted to starve in peace and be beautiful. He wanted the control back.

"Please," Collins said again.

"No," Angel looked at him in terror, "I don't want it."

"It's this, or the shake," Collins begged.

"No," Angel stood up and backed away. "You can't do that, I-I can't, I'm fine."

He thought about running out the front door, or locking himself in the bedroom and exercising until he threw up, anything.

"Angel, I don't want to do this, but I can't let you do this to yourself again," he began to tear up.

Angel watched him grab the syringe and can off the coffee table, "You can't!" He yelled. "Don't come near me!"

"I'm sorry love, if you won't eat I have to."

"No!" He tired to run away but it was too late Collins grabbed his wrist.

Angel fell tot he ground in his grasp trying to get away screaming and crying . Collins got on the floor too wrapping his arms and legs around him propping his back against the wall. He held on tightly trying to fill the syringe as Angel squirmed. He quickly connected it to the end of the tube and pressed down Angel let out a blood curdling scream.

"I'm so sorry Angel, I'm sorry, " he whispered over and over again. "I want you to get better."

How could he do this to Angel? How could Angel do this to him? Would he ever get better?

So many questions with no answers... the only thing he could do was wait.

If only he knew the worst had yet to come.

 **I've always struggled with my weight I've never been obese but I always feel fat, and this time around I just dont know what's wrong with me. I literally spend all day in bed sleeping and crying that's not like me... I just wish someone in my life would see**


End file.
